When I was a young mother, my children would come to me full of stories of injustices in school or on the playground, arguments they’d had with friends, complaints of unfair treatment by a teacher, and the other myriad challenges children face when growing up. As they talked, I would interject remarks that I deemed helpful, well-intentioned solutions. One day one of the children said, “Mom, I don’t want you to solve it. I just want you to listen!”
What a wake-up moment for me! I had been too ready to put in my two-cents’ worth instead of letting them finish speaking. I should have been saying, “What do you plan to do about this?”
I still struggle with this. The other day my daughter said, “Face it, Mom, you’re a fixer.” I like to think of myself as a recovering fixer. Every once in a while I relapse, but mostly I try to be present to people as an attentive listener.
This works equally well in my prayer life. Many times I am tempted to assault the ears of the Almighty with a litany of pains, woes, complaints, griefs, miseries — the list could go on. But for me, answers do come.
What do I do? I sit in silence, focusing on my breath. I might have an image, saying, or list of concerns nearby, but I do not obsess about those. I sit in silence and I breathe, and remain attentive, and in that silence I find peace, healing, restoration, and sometimes answers.
The art of listening is a gift to others and to oneself.
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